Today this adorable pup was on set with me. He was sad because 2 weeks ago he lost his fellow pup sibling after 10 years together. I could feel his solemn energy, so I just sat there with him as long as I could, resting my hand on him and petting him gently to comfort him and let him know I was there. I really believe strongly in the energy exchange between humans and animals. I’ve always had a connection with animals; being with them is so simple, not like us messy humans. And they’re so honest – when they’re sad they cry, when they’re hungry they eat, and when they have to take a shit they don’t care who’s nearby; nothing to prove, not ashamed to get their needs met, and unapologetically themselves. I learn so many lessons from animals.
I relate to this pup because I’m dealing with my own grief over my Dad passing away 8 months ago. And that dug up lots of stuck grief from when my Mom passed when I was 14. I’m just starting to open up about this stuff in a concerted way because it feels good and that’s just where I am today in my grieving process. Not looking for pity, just sharing in an attempt to be authentic. I just wanted to be close to this doggie today and let him know he’s not alone.
There are two differences between he and I tho: first, of course, he’s a dog and I’m a human, and secondly, he let me get close, and I have a hard time with that. Idk it’s just hard sometimes when some of the purest connections in my life have been cut short. I get afraid to get too close to people because I have a fear of abandonment. People come and go so often. Especially in a place like NYC. But in keeping walls up I create my own abandonment in some ways. It’s uncomfortable to admit, but im working on it, and IDFK WTF id do without my friends. And yes I am making this sad dog story about myself because I’m kind of narcissistic, #whichisfine . All jokes aside tho, I’m so grateful for the feelings this experience with this pup brought to my awareness today. I’m gonna include him in my prayers tonight. I hope this vulnerable and honest post helps someone who reads it.