What makes us keep going, keep showing up for the everyday challenges and fighting for the life we want? 💆🏻♂️🌀🧖🏻♂️🤔
This is where I come from.
Vermont. The Country.
Of simple means. A roof over our heads and food in our stomachs.
But not much else.
A wood-burning stove.
An annual trip to the beach.
Friends who saved me but never knew it.
Terror and Dysfunction [not pictured].
Trauma and loss.
This is not your bedtime story.
Bloated faces, soaked in toxicity.
Is that you, Mom?
Yes, yes it was.
Until she Wasn’t.
The day you left us.
The day I changed.
17 years later.
And it feels like yesterday.
The light in me sees the light in you.
And that dark glimmer you try so hard to hide? Ya, I see that, too. And that’s where I feel most connected to you.
Because I know how easy it is to check out; to think life is too hard and just throw your hands in the air.
Succumb to the Easy Way.
The heavy weight of your own baggage that threatens to take you in like quicksand.
Feeling like you’ll never figure “it” out.
Being stuck in the past and wanting so badly to know how to break free.
That Despair? Confusion? Shame? Feel that, and know — without a doubt — that we get to come out of that, stronger and wiser than ever, if we chose.
Because that’s the thing – it’s always been Our Choice.
Sometimes people are gonna disappoint us. That’s normal. And sometimes we’ll be a disappointment.
Worst of all, sometimes we will disappoint ourselves.
Today, I urge you to dig deep into the infinite source of self-forgiveness and take as much time as you need — cry, nap, eat, connect, hibernate, practice Self Care like your life depends on it — and then move forward.
‘Cause you always have and you always will. One day at a time.
And if it’s any token, as an equally lost soul once told me: I might not be able to help you get out, but I can sure as hell drag myself right alongside you.
Pieces of my heart forever lost
Gone the day you left
Not a sun rises without you journeying through my mind
For I know I am forever in your company
No moon falls behind the morning horizon
Without the assurance of your pride
Should you see how far your sons have come
Thank you for the lessons I’ve learned through your absence
I wish I didn’t have to learn so many so fast
I stopped living my life from the viewpoint of a victim
No longer living off the fumes of it
But it still hurts
And I’m still mad, still sad, only now allowing the anger to emerge
And when it comes I feel it
I don’t hide anymore, I welcome it
And I feel the breeze
And know you’re there
And I feel carried away with the promise of a better life
I look back, but don’t stare
I avoid the mistakes you made
And may I forever be conscious of the blood running through my veins
And not allow your wavering missteps to discolor my world view
Or destroy me
Let me be open, let me be loving, let me be confident and bold
Let me take the chances you never took
And may I be brave enough to take the chances you did take
And may my dreams ever unfold and come true
May I create a happy life
And one day at a time carry on safely with compassion in my heart
Thank you for bringing me into this world
A gardener and a carpenter
New England-bred wild children of the 60s and 70s
And may I always remember that I came through your love
I came from love
I am love
I’m strong, I’m brave, I’m resourceful
I’m healthy, I’m happy, I’m beyond
I hope you made it to heaven
I hope heaven is real
And forever by an invisible string
May we be connected
Until we meet again
RIP Dad (7/21/1956 — 7/30/2016); Mom (12/29/1955 — 10/03/2001)
I still remember where I was when I got the call that my Dad dropped dead. Bam. Done. No warning. Finito. People randomly die everyday, which is heartbreaking, and all the more reason for you to go for your dream life today.